Guest Post by Emily: Confession of a Lost Mother

Today we welcome Emily, mama to two little ones + yoga instructor. We're so pleased to introduce her to the BUSHBUNCH + hear her encouraging words.

I am the mother of two boys. Coyote Abraham turned six a few weeks ago and Arlo River Lee is almost two and-a-half. I want to be open and honest with all of you because it is my belief that as a community of mothers we should all be true to where we are — no matter what that looks like.

Even if that means admitting to ourselves and to each other that our lives are not perfect. Recognizing and sharing that every day is a challenge and every day we are learning.

I say this because I want to be clear that I am the mother of two boys and I don’t know what I’m doing.

photo credit: Stephanie Bartman

photo credit: Stephanie Bartman

Before I became a mother I thought that you had a baby, you got a hold of what that was like, and then you just knew what to do. I believed that somehow, I would always just have the right instinct. On some level, sure, that is true. Mostly though, I have found that it’s not.

It seems that quite often in motherhood we don’t know what we are doing. We all feel it, don’t we? Yet, somehow, we all end up feeling a bit guilty about our inexperience. This seems to ring true for first-time and fourth-time mothers alike.

photo credit: Stephanie Bartman

photo credit: Stephanie Bartman

We all know good and well that there is nothing that can prepare us for what it is like to be a mother. Yet when we step in to those shoes and our lives begin to change we have an unattainable expectation of ourselves.

What I find frustrating about the expectations that are laid out before us, is that they’re unrealistic. Most mothers I know don’t have Pinterest-perfect lives. Most of them are in survival mode and just trying to figure out how they will get through the day.

Of course there are so many joys that come with motherhood, but it is a grind, and there is no getting around that fact.

That being said, we cannot be perfect. Some days, we can barely get dressed. We are adjusting to becoming the constant caretaker of a tiny helpless life, or we have older children who challenge us in entirely new ways.

It seems the moment we take hold of how to parent our children, they grow up a little bit and we have to learn all over again.

After Coyote was born I remember being more sleep deprived than I had ever been in my life and feeling totally lost in those first few months. Looking back now, I see what a lovely and romantic period of my life that was, the beginning of motherhood. Still, at the time, it was overwhelming.

I asked my best friend if it would ever get easier and she gave me the best piece of motherly wisdom that she could have.

“Not really,” she said, “because when one thing gets easier, another gets harder.”

I will never in my life forget those words, because I believe that phrase will continue to resonate even when my children are grown and out of the house.

The reason that I am sharing all of this with you, is because it is spring. It is a time of change, growth, and newness; and these are all aspects of the journey of parenthood that we face on a daily basis.

Personally, I have begun a whole new season of motherhood. I am once again a little bit lost in it. Lost in the magic of a wild little boy who was once my baby, growing a bit bigger, and challenging me to my core. Lost in having a strong willed two year-old that is entirely different from my first son, so every milestone is a new learning experience.

photo credit: Stephanie Bartman Photography

photo credit: Stephanie Bartman Photography

Some days my motherly instincts shout loud and clear, but on many days they are non-existent. I am trying to find grace and patience within that.

I hope that if you ever feel lost in your journey, you can find patience in the process. If you suddenly question every decision you’re making, that you know it is normal. That as you face daily challenges, you allow yourself the grace you would allow a dear friend.

I am the mother of two boys that are getting older, and I am learning again how to be a mother, and I feel so blessed to be on this journey.

What beautiful thoughts about mothering, Emilly. Thanks so much for sharing!
Find out more about Emily's yoga classes here + for info on the lovely photos, check out Stephanie Bartman Photography.